Testing...Testing

I added a new photo to my blog and want to see if it is working.  This is a test, only a test.

3rd Times a Charm

Well I went for my ECT consultation.  It was interesting and informative.  On a depression scale, I scored 40.  That is high considering it should be below 10.  With all the information they gathered from my psychiatrist and myself, they determined that I am a candidate for ECT.  I have to get a physical, bloodwork, EKG, and clearance from my doctor before anything can be done.  I got my physical, bloodwork, and EKG yesterday.  Hopefully everything will work out and I will get clearance to begin ECT. ECT helps 70% of severely depressed people and many don't need medicine after treatment.   The doctor said that it would take 6 - 12 treatments which equates to 2 - 4 weeks.  I am optimistic that it will help.  It can't hurt to try.

Yesterday, I also went to the dentist.  I can't remember the last time that I have been.  I know that is bad on my part espcially considering we have dental insurance.  But it seems like everytime I go, I have to get something done in addition to the cleaning.  I am happy to report that I didn't have any cavaties.  But unhappy to report that one of my fillings was cracked and had to be replaced.  However on a good note, Dr. Leary was able to fix it yesterday as well.

I am doing not so bad on trying to lose 10 pounds.  I haven't gotten on a scale so I don't know if I have lost any weight yet.  One positive side to my depression, is that I don't want to eat.  I know starving is not a healthy way to lose weight, but I just don't feel like forcing myself to eat.  I need to get on the weight loss plan that my Mom is using.  She has been diagnosed as prediabetic and told to lose weight.  Her doctor put her on a 1200 calorie a day regimen.  I need to increase my water intake and reduce my tea intake.

Our pool got another hole in it from rubbing against the bricks.  Scott doesn't know if he can patch it.  It was nice having a pool to cool off in, but with this second hole getting in it from the bricks on the back porch it may not be able to be repaired.  Hopefully he can patch it and we can get back to swimming.  Not only does it cool you off, it is also good exercise. 

I am on a roll this week....three blogs.  I just can't sleep and I don't care to just stare at the ceiling.  Why not be productive while I can't sleep.  I am just amazed at all the things that depression affects.  Sleep, appetite, energy, concentration, and focus.  Well on that note, I am going to close this entry. 

Twice in one week.....I'm on a roll

I'm on a roll.  Two posts in one week, I'm on a roll.  This weekend was nice as we went out of town.  We took the family to Atlanta, GA.  Scott had to work, so we tagged along.  While Scott was working the kids and I went to visit the old town where we lived.  Some parts had really changed, while other parts looked the same.  It was weird riding by our old house and seeing someone living there.  Christopher enjoyed it because we showed him where he was born.  It was a nice trip down memory lane.  The kids enjoyed it as well. 

We stayed at a nice hotel.  One positive was that the pool was open until Midnight.  We could enjoy nightly swims and with the exception of last night, we had the pool and whirlpool to ourselves.  Another perk was free breakfast.

Today we went to the World of Coke.  It was nice and informative.  We got to taste Coke products from around the world.  The drinks from Africa were yucky!  I do know that I prefer Coke.  I do have blisters on my feet from all the walking we did today and yesterday.  Yesterday, we went to North Point Mall.  Ashleigh got to go to the American Girl Doll store.  It was neat to see all the dolls from the catalogue up close.  Being in that store was like having the catalogue come to life.  I got 2 pairs of shoes from the Sketchers store and some Godiva chocolates.  Christopher got a Build A Bear; Alexander got a mini Auburn basketball;  Benjamin got a Giants Superbowl t-shirt; and Scott got a pair of Sketchers and an Auburn t-shirt.  Overall it was a fun trip.

I wish that I was in better shape.  Having all this extra weight slows me down.  It's something that I need to work on.  Maybe the kids and I will start taking walks.  They don't need to lose weight but the exercise will be good for all of us.  I have set a goal of losing 10 pounds.  That is not unrealistic and it is achieveable. 

My ECT consultation is 2 days away.  I am ready for that appointment.  I really think that ECT could help.  It can't hurt to try.  I just need to remember to write down my medicines and the names of the physicians treating me. 

Well I am going to close this post as I am tired from the trip.  My eyes are heavy and want to close, so I am going to quit fighting it.  And remember tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities!

Way too long! June 23, 2012

I know in my last post I said that I was going to keep up better with posting, but it didn't happen.  My depression is not good and the medicines are not working.  My psychiatrist has put me back on medicines that I have previously taken.  I am sad all the time and can not find the joy of things.  I feel like I am falling in a black hole.  I can see the top, but it's like I am freefalling.  I don't want to hit the bottom.  My psychiatrist is sending me for an ECT consultation.  From what I understand, it's like getting the reset button in your brain reset.  I am willing to try anything at this point.  I can't keep feeling like this.  It's starting to affect all my relationships.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  I don't know which is worse, my depression or my bi-polar.  It's kind of a toss up at this point.  I hope that none of my kids get depression or bi-polar.  Unfortunately, it's genetic. I just hope that they all take after Scott in the emotions department. 

This weekend we are in Atlanta.  Scott has to help one of his branches move to a new location.  While he is helping that branch move, the kids and I are going to see the house and town where we used to live.  I wish that Scott would get transferred back here.  I am sure that once I see Loganville, I am going to long for it even more.  I must admit, it's nice to get away even if it's just for the weekend. 

This coming week is full of appointments.  On Tuesday, I have the ECT consultation.  On Wednesday, I have a dental checkup.  On Friday,  I have my bladder specialist appointment.  I may not want to do anything, but having appointments keeps me on the go.  It gives me something to look forward to.  If I had my way, I would just curl up in bed and sleep. 

I know that there are people in the world worse off than me, but I can't shake the sadness.  It's hard for the kids to see me cry and not be able to tell them why I am crying.  Or having a lot of anger and yelling at everyone.  You can only apologize so many times before the apology has no meaning.  My family has been understanding so far, but how long will it last?

Another depressing time is coming up.  July18th....a day that I wish I could forget.  July 18, 2012 will be the 11th anniversary of Savannah's passing.  It's so hard for me on that day.  If I could just go to sleep in June and wake up in August, I would be happy.  I just wonder what she would be like and who she would look like.  I still remember that day like it was yesterday.  I still blame myself because I didn't take care of myself and I took the pregnancy for granted. 

Wow this post is longer that I thought it would be.  Here's hoping for a good week.....at least bearable.